Teachers on Crack
by Hinami-hime
Summary: Throw the Vongola Tenth generation into a classroom to "take over" for a day and you have a recipe for disaster.


I was randomly inspired to write such a fanfiction. For those who are waiting for Dare Box to be updated, consider this my apology to you for taking so long to update. These days, the sadness in my heart from seeing so many of my favourite characters die has reached its limit so crack seems to be just about the only thing I can write. The characters are all TYL! yet I made them so childish I cannot even. Oh well, I hope you enjoy this anyway .

* * *

"_Wha-It's my vacation! Reborn!"_

"_Are you defying me, Dame-Tsuna?"_

_The brunet fell back into the embrace of the armchair, frowning. "Why do we have to do this? Stop controlling my life!"_

_The click of the gun made the brunet freeze. He winced at the waves of killer intent that rolled off the adult Reborn. "Geez! Fine, I'll do it."_

_Reborn smirked. "Good."_

"And that's how we ended up here," Tsuna twiddled with his fingers.

A vein popped in Hibari's head. "I'll bite you to death, omnivore."

"Ah! W-Wait! I mean, if you go as a teacher, then you'll be able to see how the discipline in Namigaku is right?"

"I'll do anything for you, Jyuudaime!" Tsuna sweatdropped as the tears of happiness streamed down Gokudera's face.

Yamamoto laughed, patting Gokudera's back. "Haha, this is going to be fun."

"Fun my ass!" Gokudera snapped. "If it's you, I wonder what the hell you're going to teach the students!"

"EXTREME! I shall show them the beauty of excersise!" Tsuna reached out a hand weakly.

"I don't think that's exactly-"

"Kufufu~ Let's have fun, Chrome."

"Yes, Mukuro-sama."

"EEEH?! Chrome, why are you agreeing with him?"

"Sorry, Bossu," the twenty-three year old bowed. "I must repay my debt to Mukuro-sama for taking care of me."

"What debt?!"

"YOU IDIOT!"

"Maa, maa…"

"Why do I have to disguise myself as a first-year student?" Lambo groaned. "This is too troublesome."

"Well, I think we just need to face this positively," Tsuna smiled.

"Hmph." Hibari left with a whack on Tsuna's head and the brunet was left tearing up, cursing Reborn.

"YOU BASTARD!" Gokudera shouted, zooming out of the room after Hibari, followed by a scarily calm Yamamoto, swinging his katana carelessly. Mukuro and Chrome vanished in a cloud of mist and Ryohei, well, being Ryohei, jumped out of the window shouting excitedly.

Tsuna, thoroughly traumatised by his Onii-san's disturbing jump and everything else that made the guardians Vongola, could only bury his face in his hands.

"Aren't we supposed to be sensible adults?"

"Nah, it's like you all haven't matured since middle school," Lambo added unhelpfully before leaving, popping another sweet in his mouth.

"ARGH! WHO'S GOING TO PAY FOR THE WINDOW? GUYS?!"

* * *

"And so, they will be your substitute teachers for tomorrow."

The students of Class 3-A stared at the strangers. They all looked like they were barely in their mid-twenties. And the black-haired man gave off a terrifying aura.

"Hibari-san will be-"

"I will handle the discipline."

The poor teacher shuddered under Hibari's dark gaze. "Y-Yes," she squeaked.

"And then Gokudera-san will be teaching English and Japanese, Yamamoto-san will be teaching History, Ryohei-san is in charge of your Physical Education, Mukuro-san will teach Health, Dokuro-san will teach Science and Sawada-san will teach Math."

Tsuna's eye twitched.

_Math_.

The one subject he hated with a fiery passion.

"Who gave the idiot History?" Gokudera hissed uner his breath, aiming his question at Tsuna. "Next thing the students know, the Shinsengumi Vice-Captain was killed by a unicorn."

"Why…a unicorn?"

"Because the baseball idiot's mind works that way."

"Really."

"Kufufu~ Health," Mukuro chuckled, sending shivers down everyone's backs.

"Takeshi and History can go make out, but Mukuro getting Health is like psychological murder," Tsuna whimpered.

"EXTREME! I'll take you all on a journey to discover how extreme your body is!"

Gokudera sighed. "That's another nightmare."

Tsuna suddenly clasped his hands together. "I pray for the students' safety," he chanted like it was a mantra.

* * *

"Those sub teachers are freaking weirdos," Yukimura Heisuke snorted.

"But they're so hot," Arisu squealed, wandering off to her own dreamland.

Miki messaged her forehead, trying to ward off the incoming headache. "I'm still wondering why all our teachers suddenly went on leave, coincidentally tomorrow"

"Indeed."

"WAH! Ren! Stop coming out of weird places!"

"Shut up, Bakamura."

"WHAT THE HELL!"

"Maa, maa, everyone, you should let Ojou-sama sleep."

"Shut up Megane."

"I have a name," said Megane's glasses flashed dangerously. "It's Sannan Kei."

A yawn interrupted them all. Carrie stretched, rubbing her eyes. "What's happening, Kei?"

"Ojou-sama! Ah, you see, everyone was discussing the new relief teachers."

"Oh, the subtitute teachers," Carrie murmured sleepily. "I heard one of them was the ex-discipline head of Namimoru Chuu and this school when he was younger."

"EH?!"

"No way, you mean _that_ Hibari Kyouya-san who was known for his Hellish discipline?" Ren whispered reverently.

"Right," Yukimura snorted, "Only some crazy person like you would actually find that guy admirable."

Ren's eye twitched and he pulled his cloak over his eyes as he began muttering some curses.

"Scratch that," Yukimura let his head drop on the table. "The Student Council if full of people crazier than weirdos."

"Doesn't that mean you're one of them?" Miki deadpanned.

"Ah! I can't get over how gorgeous Silver-sensei is," Arisu sighed, hearts popping in her eyes.

"You mean Gokudera-sensei," Carrie corrected her.

"Those drop-dead gorgeous eyes and that well-toned body! How wonderful, he's so delectable!"

Yukimura and Kei edged away from the brunette, rubbing their shoulders.

"Why are you talking about him like he's some food?" Kei shuddered.

"Sometimes, I think I'm the only normal person around here," Yukimura huddled next to the wall.

"You're not," Kei informed him.

"Why, _thank you ever so much_, Megane," the red-haired boy retorted.

"Good morning, everyone!"

"Ah, another psychopath appeared," Yukimura added monotonously.

"Mou! I'm your Kaichou! Be nicer!"

"Morning, Hikari-san," Carrie stood up and offered the Student Council president a curtsy before promptly going back to sleep.

"I need to go and think for a while, see you."

"WHY THE HECK DID HE WALK INTO THE CUPBOARD?!"

"You know, Ren's been your classmate for two years, you should be used to it." Kei pushed his glasses up.

"I'm a youthful eighteen-year-old!" Yukimura shouted. "Why are you ruining my life like this? I didn't sign up for this!"

"Yeah, you didn't. Hikari dragged you in." Miki added unhelpfully.

Hikari sweatdropped and laughed nervously. "Well, isn't everyone energetic."

* * *

"This is certainly interesting," Tsuna breathed, looking through the student files. "Seven of the senior members in the Student Council are in our class!"

"Hmm," Hibari stepped in and Tsuna unconsciously stepped back. "The Student Council president consists of Toudou Hikari as President and Vice-President, Yukimura Heisuke. The other five members handle their own divisions of the Student Council. Carrie Break, Kagamine Arisu, Toudou Hikari, Kougami Ren, Sannan Kei and Nagisa Miki."

Tsuna gaped. "That's the longest I've heard from you, Kyouya."

"I'll bite you to death."

"Eh?"

* * *

"Jyuudaime, why…why are you bandaged?"

"Hahaha, ha. Ha. Well, I sparred a little with Kyouya, that's all."

"A little."

"Yeah."

"…"

* * *

"Wow! A mummy!"

"I'm not a mummy, Takeshi, I'm me."

"Haha, Tsuna's voice is coming out of the mummy."

"No, Takes-"

"YOU BASEBALL IDIOT!"

"Ahahaha, there's Gokudera! See you later, Mummy-san!"

"I'm not a mummy."

* * *

"OH! SAWADA!"

"Onii-san, you recognise me?"

"Yeah! But it's EXTREMELY too late to join the boxing club, you see."

"But I'm not-"

"See you later, Sawada!"

"BUT!"

* * *

"Kufufu~"

"I don't want to hear it."

"Kufufufufufufufufufufu~"

"I hate my life."

"Suicide is not the option, Bossu."

"I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!"

* * *

"Tsuna-nii, have you been living your life in the mentality of a fourteen-year-old?"

"Yeah."

Lambo sweatdropped. That was not the answer he had expected.

"I want sweets."

"Here."

"THOSE ARE BANDAGES!"

* * *

"What happened yesterday?" Tsuna did a little rewind in his head. "It's strange."

"It's worse than strange, Jyuudaime. I bet a UMA took a hold of our minds and jumbled it up."

"Hayato, that's a little too extreme."

"Haha, I saw a mummy yesterday, Tsuna! And it sounded exactly like you!"

"Okay."

* * *

"All right class, for first period, I'm teaching you English. Take out your textbooks."

"Ah, Silver-sensei," Arisu sighed.

Yukimura threw an eraser at her. "Snap out of it! He looks like the ex-delinquent type!"

"Mind repeating what you just said, brat?"

"N-nothing, Gokudera-sensei!"

"All right, then, I'll read this passage out to you. Then you follow me."

By around the end of the lesson, half the girls in class were drooling over the silveret.

"He's so dreamy," someone sighed.

"So sexy," another person swooned.

"Girls," Yukimura grumbled.

"At any rate, he's definitely better than that weak-looking brunet-sensei."

"What did you say?"

Hikari and the rest of the members of the Student Council sat up straight, surprised by the sudden change in the man, a dark aura surrounding him.

"Don't you ever insult Jyuudaime. He's unbeliavably strong and protects everyone with his own power, forgiving even the worst people. Be honoured that he will be teaching you!"

"Y-Yes, Gokudera-sensei."

"Good."

The bell rang and the man rushed out of the classroom. A cold breeze wafted in through the window and the soulless students could only stare at the dried leaf dancing with the wind.

* * *

"Morning everyone! I'm teaching History!"

"Isn't Yamamoto-sensei cute?" Carrie grinned. "He's so gentle it makes me want to squeeze his life force out."

Miki eyed Carrie. "You're creepy."

"Took you long enough to figure out," Yukimura moaned, pulling at his hair.

"Don't insult Ojou-sama."

"Admit it Megane, she scares you."

"You-"

"Hahaha, anything wrong over there?"

"Not at all, sensei," Carrie laughed sweetly.

"All right, so right now we're on the chapter about the deaths of the prominent figures in the Shinsengumi, right?"

"Sensei, I have a question."

"Yes?"

"How did Okita Souji die?"

"Oh, him? He fell into a puddle and drowned."

"A puddle?" Ren choked. "I didn't know that."

"Because it obviously didn't happen!" Yukimura facepalmed.

Miki raised her hand slowly. "I have a question, too, sensei."

"Go ahead."

"Did they win the battle at Toba Fushimi?"

"Tsuna-sushi?"

"Tsu-What? I said Toba Fushimi, sensei…"

"Ah! Haha, of course they won! Because Hijikata Toshizou commanded the Night Parade of a Hundred Demons!"

"What the heck?!" Yukimura shouted.

"This guy is a real idiot, isn't he," Miki blinked slowly.

"Figures."

* * *

"An EXTREMELY good morning to you!"

Everyone covered their ears.

"I'm here to teach you the beauty of youth and the great athletic potential you all have!"

"I'd rather not know," Kei muttered, looking strangely green.

"All right, let's all start with a hunderd push-ups!"

"H-Hundred?!"

"Is this guy for real?"

"YOSH!"

"I'm going to die!"

"You do know that's only the first one, right?" Yukimura raised an eyebrow.

Kei wiped his glasses furiously. "Yeah well."

The screams of the students of Class 3-A went unnoticed for the next hour.

* * *

"Morning every-"

Tsuna stopped. Why on Earth were all the students bruised and lifeless?

"I'm _never_ going for Phsyical Ed again," Ren growled. After which he promptly began cursing and Yukimura once again wondered why a member of the Black Magic club was in the Student Council.

Tsuna regarded the students with pity almost immediately. After all, Onii-san had happened.

"Well, everyone, let's do Math do cheer you all up!"

"Sensei is right," Hikari agreed in an alarmingly zombie-like manner.

"Um, so _x _and _x_ wanted to split up, and they went to _y_ for help but _z_ got in the way…"

"Does he think we're middle-school students?"

"Who knows."

"Oh my god I swear I saw a baby with a gun," Hikari suddenly screamed, staring fearfully in the direction of the window.

"HIIIIEEEEE!"

* * *

Yukimura had had just about enough with the weird happenings of the day.

"I'm seriously freaked out," Arisu shook her head. "The teachers are just unbelievably abnormal."

"Well," Miki contemplated, "It's Health after lunch break so I don't think anything could go wrong there, right?"

"…"

"Guys, why aren't you answering?"

* * *

"Kufufu~ Welcome to Sensei's Health class, dear students."

"Normal, pfft."

"Now there's a perverted pineapple-head."

Rokudo Mukuro could tolerate a lot of things in the world. But a certain skylark-kun and perverted pineapples didn't coexist with those things.

"Kufufufufufufufufufufu~~"

"Shit."

"Oh my god, my brain!" Yukimura shrieked. "What the hell is this?!"

"Revenge of the Pineapple."

"Miki, no, don't say that!" Carrie covered her eyes.

"Guys, show Sensei some respect!" Hikari's voice echoed in the classroom.

Mukuro smirked and Hikari sweatdropped at how fast he had whipped around to look at her.

"Kufufufu~ I suppose I shall start teaching you all."

"Noooo! My mind!"

* * *

"Um, s-so. Leaf."

"I'm sorry, Chrome-sensei, but that doesn't really answer my question."

"Yes!"

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Forget it. Today was a dream and Mukuro-sensei did _not_ just show me bound by vines, at Megane-kun's mercy." Yukimura lay on the desk.

"A-Ano, the structure of the leaf is like-like a bone. And, um."

"Do these teachers even know what they're teaching?" Kei smacked himself.

* * *

"OH GOD! SCHOOL IS FINALLY OVER!" Yukimura Heisuke could have cried tears of joy.

"I know. I never thought it would be this exhausting," Carrie played with her blonde braid.

"Mukuro-sensei is so eerie."

"_You're_ more eerie, Ren! Why did you come out of the _wall_?!"

"Maa, everyone, calm down. At least it was fun."

"Fun for you, then Kaichou, is it masochism?"

"Masochism? No way!"

"Crowding herbivores, I will bite you to death."

"HIBARI-SENSEI!"

"HIIIEEE! What are you doing, Kyouya?"

"Sawada-sensei?"

"They're just kids! If you want to fight, then spar with me again."

"_Spar_?"

"Well, "beat up" is more appropriate…"

"Fine, omnivore."

"Well then, everyone, it was really fun to teach you all today though I'm not sure how much psychological or physical damage you've all suffered. Maybe I'll see you again," Tsuna waved before walking out of the gates.

Hikari felt a chill enter her body and she shook her head vigorously. "Thanks for the offer, sensei, but I'd rather not see you all again."

* * *

"That went well."

"I HATE YOU REBORN!"

"Why did you send us there, Reborn-san? Was there any special reason?"

"It wouldn't hurt to find a few potential family members, would it now?"

"YOU MANIPULATIVE-MMPH!"

Gokudera could only watch helplessly as Reborn bundled up his precious Jyuudaime and walked away with him with a sadistic smirk painted on his devilishly handsome features.

He fell on his knees. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, Jyuudaime."

* * *

Omake :

In the end, Lambo, who enrolled into Namigaku as a first year student for a span of one day played completely no part in anything.

That is, until, the Student Council passed by and saw a curly-haired boy electrifying a tree.

"AHAHA! What was that?"

"Hahaha, he was electrifying a tree, with horns!

"What kind of prank is this?" Hikari laughed weakly. The laughter stopped a few minutes later and when they ran back to the tree, all they found were charred remains and no traces of a boy whatsoever.

"This is not funny," Arisu froze. "That was the Vice-Principal's favourite tree."

"MY BEAUTIFUL TREE!"

"And here he comes."

"Great, we didn't see anything."

"Yeah, we didn't."

"In that case, let's go."

"You're right, we still have a lot of work to do."

"I still can't get over the bird singing the Namichuu anthem."

"Deal with it, Bakamura."

"That's not the point, Kei. Yukimura was being completely irrelevant."

"Yes, Ojou-sama."

"WHO MURDERED MY TREE?!"

"…"

* * *

Was that even crack, I'm not so sure myself, just very amused at all the random things I wrote. My omake is probably not an omake and yes, you weren't just imagining, there was a reference to Nurarihyon no Mago. The Shinsengumi, Okita Souji and Hijikata Toshizou are all real ( also shown in the anime Hakuouki which I adore ). Yamamoto is an adorable idiot who doesn't know that the Shinsengumi lost the battle at Toba Fushimi ( no, Hijikata did _not_ lead them to victory with the Night Parade of a Hundred Demons ) and that Okita Souji is believed to have died of Tuberculosis. I bullied and mutilated the characters so much so that I can't even tell if they're KHR anymore ( forgive me, readers! ) and I hope you liked my OCs.

With that, I'm done and am going to close my bleeding eyes and sleep.


End file.
